Good books, good wine, good people, and good stories. They can change the world. After connecting deeply with readers about my novel The Unexpected Daughter, I realized our conversations needed to continue past emails and book signing events. I wanted a long sit down with people to talk. Truths. Grit. And a tiny bit of smack.
Today, I’m proud, and terribly nervous, to announce the launch of my new podcast Southern Life Indian Wife with best-selling author Emily Carpenter as my very first guest.
Emily and I sat down together to discuss her newest book release, Until The Day I Die, plus a whole lot more. Our conversation digs into who she is as an author as well as all-around strong woman. She’s a bit of an over-achiever and still humble as all get-out. I loved getting to look her in the eyes while she told her story, about her writing and about her.
Good people sharing stories leaves us all a little better than when we began. I’m better after our conversation. After you download and listen to this episode, I know you’ll take some goodness with you too.
To learn more about Emily Carpenter and her awesome books, find her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and at her website. Looking for a thrilling summer read? Check out reviews of her newest novel Until the Day I Die on Goodreads and Publishers Weekly.
[00:00:02] I’m a lifelong Southerner married to an Indian man who grew up in South Africa during apartheid.
[00:00:07] And I am fiercely proud about. If you don’t like that Well bless your heart. I’m Cheryl Parr boo. And this is southern life Indian wife.
[00:00:20] OK I can’t wait for you to meet today’s guest Emily Carpenter.
[00:00:24] Emily is an Atlanta area author whom I met at a literary festival all while we did a discussion panel together. She’s that kind of person that when you meet them you immediately want to be their best friend. Not only that she is really smart. She’s a graduate of Auburn University and after college she left Alabama to go work in New York as an actor producer screenwriter and behind the scenes soap opera assistant on As The World Turns and Guiding Light. And if that’s not enough she just so happens to be the best selling author for suspense novels including her new release until the day I die which I cannot wait to talk about. She really is truly the bomb. So it’s my pleasure to introduce you to Emily Carpenter.
[00:01:13] So hey lady how you doing. I’m good. I love that introduction.
[00:01:18] I pretty much just want to record that and play it for myself every morning when I’m getting ready.
[00:01:25] There you go. Yeah. You could just like you know blast it on your iPod and.
[00:01:30] Make sure that your family hears it too. This is good. Yep. I tried to. That’s right. Yeah. Yeah. You got to do that. I love it. Thank you. No no. I mean every. Well I’m happy to be here. Well thank you so much for coming all the way out here. Yeah. So what are we going to talk about today. It seems like you have a new book out.
[00:01:48] I do. So you want to talk about that first. Sure. Yeah. So it’s been out. Hope got a little over a month. And getting good response to it seems like people are liking it. I’m one of them. Oh good. Yes. Yay. So for me it was a little different. All of my books are mystery and suspense and thriller but this one really sort of push that envelope of adventure and a little over the top. It was very fun to write. And so yeah.
[00:02:25] Yeah. That’s very. Yeah. Now I have to admit I have not finished it because I am a really slow reader and my attention span is really short because I’m on social media all the time.
[00:02:34] I’m like I don’t know if you a variance. Oh yeah I’m a slow reader as well. Yes. So judgment you got it last week. But I have gotten through like 25 percent and I got to look like I’m dying to get to it. Good. Yeah. Good. The whole jazz thing. Oh my gosh. I’ve got it now I’ve got no bus.
[00:02:53] And I guess it’s a good thing I haven’t finished because I can’t give any spoilers here. Yeah. And I don’t know either but yeah it’s definitely it’s just the setup is that it’s a mom and a daughter college age daughter and they’ve just recently lost their husband slash father. OK in an accident he passed away and now they’re kind of going on with their family business and trying to continue their lives and kind of rebuild their relationship went into the mix. There’s they realize that there’s something going on in that family business and maybe somebody is doing some shady things perhaps.
[00:03:38] Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I already sense that they’re in the very beginning. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:03:42] And then they get separated the mom goes to this sort of Spa Resort on an island in the Caribbean the daughter’s at college and they have to kind of solve the mystery and save each other. So hopefully that’s all.
[00:03:57] OK. Well I cannot wait to finish it. Hopefully I can like maybe take it and carpool line and get there and read it and get it done. Love it. Yeah. So OK so I have published one book and I self published and I’m still trying to figure out this whole publishing business and it’s just crazy maintain. Like.
[00:04:15] Disheartening sometimes and confusing.
[00:04:19] So I’ve always wanted to ask you how did you choose the genre that you write in. Was it a business decision because of the market or is it because you love it and you read it. What’s what.
[00:04:31] So it was not real. It was not a business decision. And I and I will say that the first two books that I wrote that still remain unpublished and shall.
[00:04:45] Remain so.
[00:04:50] Yeah I was I tell my kids like if I pass away Do not pull those books out and like have them you know I would just think about I was just reading and cleaning out your drawer and then the uncovered manuscript. Yeah let’s publish under the bed. Valerie’s hot pot. But you might want to destroy that.
[00:05:12] Yeah but it was both of those books were like not romance but they were kind of like what we used to call a chick lit you know kind of romantic comedy and. And I love that was kind of my first inclination of what to write. You know I love reading that and watching that. And so that’s what I wanted to write. And but then after those two books kind of stalled out for me I was like well you know I’d love to write a mystery suspense type book but I didn’t really feel like I was smart enough to construct the the clues and everything I didn’t know how to do it. But I just loved it so much that I remember like the moment where I was like You know what I’m just going to do this. And kind of muddle my my way through it.
[00:06:12] It’s funny that you say that you didn’t think you were smart enough because I have felt the same way. I read these books and I’m like wow this is so clever. Yeah. I could never come up with that yet. Well they didn’t just write that on the first.
[00:06:24] I guess you would know right. Right. Yeah. And it does.
[00:06:27] It does take time to figure out kind of how to do it but it’s not. I mean it’s not rocket science. And you do get a chance to edit and to layer in things and to figure things out in later edits you know what I mean. Inspiration comes in your. Oh that’s a good idea. OK. Yeah. Yeah. You’re smart.
[00:06:50] Less inspiring. Oh no no. We’ll see.
[00:06:53] We’ll see what people think when I get the second book out. If I ever get it out if they’re going to say yeah she’s pretty dumb for publishing a book. Or.
[00:07:01] Yeah really good move who dies. Brave. Brave.
[00:07:06] I don’t know. I kind of feel like it was like therapeutic but now that it’s all written I’m kind of feeling like it wasn’t brave it’s like really stupid but I’m committed because I spent the year writing this dang thing and I’m not going to just having you there for nothing and you knew it was in your heart to do.
[00:07:24] Yeah. Yeah I think so. That’s bravery. See when I start getting hate mail and I’m angry. If you’re not scared. Yeah I guess you’re right. Right. I guess you decide. This is awesome. No no no worries and you to skip it along.
[00:07:40] That’s your bravery and you know segueing into that. I was also going to ask you like what was it like when you just decided you were gonna write your first book and you’re gonna like Just put yourself out there and try to get an agent. Did you go to the Atlanta writers.
[00:07:54] I did like five times. OK that’s good because I’ve done it twice. I’m in it next week and it’s good to know I am I do a huge favor of this writer’s coffer.
[00:08:04] Yes. Huge fan of George one scene seen George. He is the guy that runs it brilliantly I might add and selflessly. Yeah we just had lunch the other day as a matter of you. Yes. Yeah. Is an amazing he’s great advocate for writers everything and the Atlanta writing community and yeah he’s amazing. So this conference you go and you pick your book or get critiques that I did many books and like I like I said I failed somewhat.
[00:08:41] But failure is what you learn from. Did you pitch the first book. I did. OK OK. I did. And you just decided moving on to something else that I have a better chance with. Yeah.
[00:08:50] That I just I felt like I was done kind of pushing this. I mean I got rejected by one hundred and sixty two agents on that first book. And you kept going. Now that I heard that. Well I put that book away though I think at that point I was like this just I don’t really understand why this is not working. But I was getting some good feedback on my writing. Good. They were saying like this is really well written but I don’t know where to place it or you know just different things like that. So it wasn’t like there just wasn’t Matthew Dowd said Don’t ever come back. No it’s awful. No no. There were some. And I think if if I had not gotten you know those little bread crumbs of encouragement I probably would have quit. Yes it’s tough. It is.
[00:09:41] Yeah it is I think like the most disheartening thing for me and you might have experienced this is you’ll get somebody that has some interest and they say oh send me the you know the first twenty five hours and then they say Oh I like that send me the next fifty. I like that send me the whole thing. Oh it’s a killer. And then crickets you never hear from them. Yeah. Like why am I doing this.
[00:10:01] This is so frustrating. Yeah. It’s like all waiting and like refreshing your email and yes it’s agonizing. It’s I have a lot of respect and just you know understand how hard it is for writers trying to get an agent or editor. You know it’s yes it is. So how did it feel when you got that first agent.
[00:10:25] So like how did that happen. Did they tell you at the conference did they call you up. Yes she. Well she and I had like us like I basically came at her from ever.
[00:10:40] And I didn’t necessarily mean to but I had submitted the book to her in just the regular you know sent a query letter slush pile. Yeah. And then also like right after that us all she was coming to the Atlanta writer’s conference. OK. So then I scheduled a critique with her and my approach like you’re attending so many writers conferences I honed my approach where I thought a critique was more beneficial for me because I felt like my writing was. Good enough that it would do the talking for me right instead of me doing the talking for me.
[00:11:20] I get a pit which is so nerve racking right.
[00:11:24] I was terrified to pitch in like you talk in your voices. You’re done you’re shaking and they are like looking at you like Oh please baby right.
[00:11:34] You get to a point where you realize they’re just real regular people. I never got you never got to the point.
[00:11:40] I’m kind of at the point like you know. Or just take it or leave it undone you know like me you’re right.
[00:11:46] That’s good. Maybe better work. It’s a good place to be but I just felt like a critique was better because I felt like my work was doing the talking for me right. So I sent a schedule to critique with our own tools like wait a minute I feel like crap like you queried me on this and we had this moment where we made that connection and then she gave me that award that you know how they hand out the awards. Yeah. Best critique I was her best critic also. And then yeah when she when it finally came down to a phone conversation then she was like You know I’m offering representation. I was like. Yes.
[00:12:27] Did you call your husband in love. She has.
[00:12:30] I was like running around screaming sir. Yeah. It’s so awesome. It was a great moment. Too bad somebody didn’t have a video camera that could’ve gone viral and it would’ve been amazing. Actually I so I had the I had that phone conversation with her in my car because it was the only private place I could go because there’s like animals in my house. And there were kids in my house and I used to work and a like a Starbucks and that was too loud. So I had it in.
[00:12:59] I do the same thing. I sit in Starbucks. I make myself go there like four hours a day. Good for you isn’t it weird though that like all that sound you can write with Ben. I don’t know about you I come home and it’s silent. I can’t the army there.
[00:13:12] I had to have to come home smelling like espresso and that’s the only way I feel like I’ve accomplished anything. The magic is in my coffee.
[00:13:19] Yes absolutely. That’s why I have a curate over here. You know in front of my computer wherever I am I have to have coffee. You have everything you have. Why do you have why. A little early in the morning you know that I bought you’re you know if you were to come and you know do this again with me we could do it in the evening and have a little wine. Oh yeah. You can get things could get excited and they could make for a really awesome episode maybe you’d leave. Yes it would be awesome does. Like maybe yeah. Yeah well you know we have fun and that’s really matters.
[00:13:55] Yeah. So. OK. So you got your agent. Now you’re a bestselling author. You’re a mom. So like what do your kids what do your kids say about your writing.
[00:14:05] Because my kids really could care less that I write. They would really rather than I just go and fix dinner saying that I doubt that’s true and that’s probably what they say to you. But yeah I would almost guarantee that. Like when you’re back in turn they’re saying something else and that they’re very proud of you. I hope so. I think so. I mean I will say I’ve. That’s kind of been the thing with my kids. They’ve they’ve all been very supportive and very supportive through the process of me finding an agent and being published. And I let them in on that because I did have so much failure in the beginning and to me one of the best things we can teach our kids is resiliency. Yes. And just how to get back up again and try again and don’t give up. And that’s what this world is all about right. And so I I was very purposeful about telling them when I was doing and and when I failed and when I had successes as well but they’re just like I said a lot of people here. So I think they saw that and I kept bringing it back to them like you guys this is what life is. Yeah. And so I do think they they were super proud and excited when I did get sell my first book. You know now they’re kind of like Yay Mom.
[00:15:35] We know you’re an overachiever.
[00:15:39] Yeah. And um you know sometimes I do. I caught them saying things to their friends are like oh I told my teacher. You write books or whatever you know. So I think there’s you know. Yeah. They are proud of me. Yeah. Now do they read your books. Well my older son does. My oldest son reads them and I’m a He’s so cute. He’s like he will buy them. Will you release money for them. Oh yeah. He’s a huge supporter of booksellers and books and voracious reader. So literally he has bought all my thoughts which just makes me laugh. When do I get. I will give you this book that’s like the perfect child don’t you think. Oh yeah. I’m like you’re the fuzz. So he reads them my middle son. There is a story where. I think right before my book was pub or bought he I published a short story and I was really really excited about you know an online magazine and very very excited about this story and he was like oh yeah Mom let me read it. And he read this story and I will say that it was kind of a little gory OK. It might have edged on horror but anyway so he read it and he was like and so how old was this is amazing. He was in high school. OK. He was like This is really good but I don’t know how to describe this to you but I if it this doesn’t feel like you to me so it kind of bothers me that you wrote. Wow. And that fight. Yeah. Boy this is like coming out of my mom and he’s like I don’t want to think of you this way I just want to think of you as mom. So I just don’t want to read this. Yeah. And he said it. I’m not saying it as well as he did it was very thoughtful and did not like hurt my feelings and I was like oh my god I totally get that right.
[00:17:42] Oh what a sweet boy. He fight mom. This is messed up.
[00:17:47] Yeah. My kids have said my writing is a little messed up too. They they haven’t read the unexpected daughter but they’re friends all have and they’re friends all said there’s a couple of really great sex scenes in there. It’s not that bad it’s really not that bad. But I just. Huh. Oh yeah definitely P.G. but I guess when you’re looking at somebody who’s mom who’s written you know a scene in an elevator where somebody is.
[00:18:12] Oh yeah. Hooking up. Well now that’s PD 13. Well.
[00:18:16] OK P.G. 13 but you know gory details. Yeah. My daughter was like I do not want to know that my mother has ever thought about this kind of stuff. Bryant do it.
[00:18:23] Exactly. So yeah same thing. Like they just don’t think of you in that way. Right. You know. And then I want to think of me in the way of like murder his stuff right there. Yeah. It’s just weird.
[00:18:35] He might wake up in the middle of the night and you wonder Is Mommy going in my body.
[00:18:42] I know my husband always the bed. He’s like I like when he first started reading my votes. It’s like if you sleep scared sleep next year I hear does this all come. It’s kind of like being married to Stephen King. What does his wife think about that. Does she wake up in the middle of the night. Oh that woman critiques him. Well I need to write this better and more mercury. That’s true. I mean more murder Stephen. Well that’s what sells. You know. Yeah. That’s funny.
[00:19:12] What’s going on with the new book are you going to be going on tour or are you doing a lot of events.
[00:19:16] It’s kind of an informal tour. I there’s no I don’t have like. It’s not like a concert. It’s not like Beyonce’s concert tour.
[00:19:26] That would be pretty exciting. No. Ever me. What are you working towards. Yeah.
[00:19:30] What if you start dressing like that for every event listen she is amazing. I just watched homecoming the other day and I was like holy cow. That woman why she is just something special. But anyway. Yeah. So I’m going to bookstores. There’s have an event at Fox sale and Woodstock. My favorite one. Yes. Really really appreciate and love them. Yes. May 11. OK. Saturday with easy skin. OK. Another suspense writer. She’s fantastic awesome. Yeah. And doing some book clubs. I’ve been to South Carolina. Have an event. It’s all blurring. Not even that much.
[00:20:22] A. You. Know my fourth book. Just the same. No I’m kidding.
[00:20:29] I mean honestly I know you’ll do a whole lot of signings because you know we have those those those signings all of us do where there’s like 30 people. Yes. I mean that’s just the reality right. Yeah. I don’t I don’t think it matters who you are. All right. Yeah yeah. Unless you’re Stephen. King but right. It happens. Yeah. And so I prefer to do group things like with other groups or like panels at book festivals right. Or you know but just that like just me signing yikes it’s racking. Yeah.
[00:21:06] Yeah. A friend of mine Deborah Mantilla you know who. Oh yeah yeah yeah. My Sweet By Dahlia. We plan sort of a little getaway trip and a signing somewhere at a bookstore. Yeah. And there was so much fun planning it going down there. Not a single person showed up. Oh yeah. Event because it was on the day of that march. I think it was because there was a school shooting. So it was a march protesting weapon right. And downtown in that city. And so everybody was there. Yeah. We had a great time.
[00:21:38] I just took lots of pictures of just us. Yeah store when we went and drank a lot.
[00:21:43] Why. I mean yeah I’ve had an event with another author who I mean listen this woman has sold millions of books or at least a million if you like. She’s very successful. And we had like two people that’s a show. It’s just not people don’t show up as much. Yeah. Oh I did an event and read it again bookstore and book exchange and both of those.
[00:22:11] We’ve had you know there were people. Yeah. Which I really appreciate. Yeah.
[00:22:16] I love Book Exchange too because they don’t always have a really good turnout. Yeah. They’re so supportive. Yeah. Yeah. Very. Yeah. So you used to be an actor and you know you’ve got a background in performing so do you sing so like could you dress up as Beyoncé and then sing you know people.
[00:22:33] And that’s probably why I like her so I definitely I grew up dancing and acting.
[00:22:39] Yeah but I can’t sing so I could never do like musical theater was just not. I just struggle now to sing. And I could barely carry a tune but it was just not in the car.
[00:22:53] Not really.
[00:22:55] Yeah yeah. Linda. Yeah I did ballet. My whole life. And I quickly I was good but I can never count the music. It was so bad right. Really. Oh yeah. They would have to be like OK Sheryl now you go.
[00:23:08] I’d go and I’d be looking at em OK. That’s it. Yeah exactly.
[00:23:14] Yeah. It’s stuff. My son is at NYU and he’s he’s not a musical theater major but he loves music and wants to do Broadway. But I think he inherited it. He’s a good singer. Not saying he’s not that’s good. He may have inherited a little bit of not being right for musical theater.
[00:23:33] Yeah. He’s going to hate me for saying that nobody is good competitor.
[00:23:36] It is. Yeah really. Like even the ones that you think are fantastic. You’re like one you know. Yeah. Competition is just crazy. I can’t imagine. Yeah I know I’m totally freaked out about him being up there and everything. So yeah I’ll fine. He’ll be fine yeah. It’ll be fine. Just keep saying that I know he’ll be fine. He’ll be what we say about our kids. Yes they’ll be fine.
[00:23:59] The Leaf and the beauty of having kids is like when they’re in high school they give you such a hard time and they prepare you for wanting to have them gone and they’re in college and it’s like out of sight out of mind I can sleep tonight. You know I don’t know if he’s coming home at 2:00 in the morning and so I can sleep not much. Yeah.
[00:24:16] No not anymore.
[00:24:18] Yeah. And having him up in New York and I want to ask you about your parents living in New New York.
[00:24:24] Use me because so he grew up here you know outside of Atlanta and but he is biracial so he’s always been the very brown est kid in our little community. I think my husband is maybe one of two Indian people that lives in this area. Seriously. Yeah. This county there’s just not a lot of different ethnicity. So he went up to New York and he’s connecting with all these people.
[00:24:46] I mean he’s like the whitest kid in the crowd.
[00:24:51] Yeah. So what was it like for you cause you went to Auburn and you’re from this area from Alabama. So like what was it like.
[00:24:58] And I went up there in the 90s right in my early 20s. I very much grown up in a very white bubble. And not only is white but like conservative and religious.
[00:25:12] Oh boy. And like in New York like go and. Why. We all look at it. But I loved it. I was I was ready for it.
[00:25:22] You know I was ready to be around people that were different than me. And then it was a learning experience definitely. I mean I just remember. So when I’ve got my first job at CBS I was in advertising depart the advertising department. My boss was like. So what are you.
[00:25:44] Guys know. This was it just made me laugh my. He.
[00:25:47] Figure me out. He was like So you’re not so you’re not.
[00:25:53] Irish Catholic and you’re not Italian Catholic and you’re not Jewish What are you. Because you’re just like you know this foreigner before in Life Baptist. It’s like no I’m actually Presbyterian but yeah it’s like. But I just don’t know what they do. We’re trying to categorize me you know and it was really funny but yeah I learned it was good too.
[00:26:17] What I loved about New York is that everybody’s in there together. They’re all. You’re riding the subway you’re hanging out you’re living with people who are from every culture and you know every language and just I really loved it.
[00:26:31] And it was yeah way different than I am.
[00:26:36] So how long did you spend there. We were there three years. You married at the time. Yes I married and yeah everybody there teased me and was like Is your cousin right.
[00:26:47] Oh my gosh. Yeah. So yeah.
[00:26:52] Got married young and we went up there and had quite an adventure I had when we started thinking about having kids you know it’s expensive. We wanted to have those have our kids back home.
[00:27:07] Yeah have some of the day I saw a little boy playing ball in the hallway of our apartment. I don’t know. Yeah yeah. That’s.
[00:27:18] I can see that green somewhere sister. Yeah yeah. So do you have any friendships that you still maintain from New York anybody you still.
[00:27:27] In contact with some people online. Actually it’s.
[00:27:33] Not as much actually as my husband. He has kept contact with some people especially one woman he works. He worked with down there and she’s she’s cool.
[00:27:45] That’s cool. Yeah yeah. You feel like you brought like maybe a little bit of New York sensibilities how many things have you got home and you’re like Southern girl again. No I. I. There’s a part of me always that will love New York and feel at home there and I definitely. I was definitely dressing very New York when I got.
[00:28:05] Back up here. I was very like wearing my big stomp a dark mark in the 90s in my back.
[00:28:12] But I kind of thing and remember that. Yeah. And off.
[00:28:16] Yeah. Fun times.
[00:28:21] So you got married really young you know. Yeah I got married young too. I was 19.
[00:28:25] Oh my God. Younger than me 21. OK. You just turned 21.
[00:28:29] That is very young. Yes. Very young. Yes. And we lasted twenty four years.
[00:28:36] And then we got divorced and then what lasted two years and I got remarried. I did not know.
[00:28:44] That at all. Is that in your memoir. It is in the memoir. That was kind of the reason. That it’s amazing. But you know when I meet somebody that’s been married a long time like you. Like we’re like 30 years. That’s amazing. So that’s that’s a true love story. Yeah. So you got any juicy stories about when you met him. Well listen I want to say that I always say we we you know.
[00:29:11] My husband’s been married to like five different women but they’re all me.
[00:29:16] I’m right on that. Yeah. How. Bless his heart. And I know it you know and because we got married so young and out. I was like really.
[00:29:30] Unformed in what I thought about things and so I was still growing up. Yeah. So that just yeah that’s.
[00:29:39] Yeah. You can write that. Yeah. It’s funny.
[00:29:41] Like you you were still growing up. Yeah. And so I mean I feel really proud of us and because yeah we’ve been through things. Right.
[00:29:51] Right. That your set amount of time. That’s a lot a thing. But now we just look at each other and we’re like we’re too tired to get the words. Like. Just. It’s all good. Whatever it is it’ll be over tomorrow we’ll do Yeah we’re just going to move on and tells you to just.
[00:30:07] Leave said the same. It’s like you know what. I just don’t want any change and if like if we have a fight of course I plan on getting divorced again.
[00:30:14] But yeah it’s like it still feels different. Like when you have those disagreements and those fights and those it’s not to diminish in any way cause it but it does feel like the end of the world. Right. If you’re disagreeing about something and I think that’s one thing that I’ve learned after this many years is like we can disagree about something and still at the end of the world. Who cares.
[00:30:43] Absolutely yeah. And it’s kind of like that with everybody in the world. Yeah. You know. Very true. Yeah. And that’s why I you know like I always I guess people kind of get tired of me like beating this on the ground but I’m always like we’ve got to find a way to have common ground with people and be able to agree to disagree. Yeah and not be enemies.
[00:31:00] And that is not my nature. I’m like very intense. I get very like whipped up into a frenzy about things and you know likes dying on certain hills that you know I probably shouldn’t. But that’s. I’m having to learn that. Like just chill. Yes just a little bit.
[00:31:21] The guys love it. Yes. Love is important but you also have to have your own space to listen. Yeah yeah yeah. So OK. Like I’m going to ask you all these wonderful oversized life philosophies. What do you think the secret is to stay married that long. Or is there a secret.
[00:31:40] I don’t know if there’s a secret because everybody’s relationship is different. But for me I think my my point was you both have to be willing to work on it. If you have one person willing to work with the other person’s not willing to work right now it doesn’t work.
[00:32:01] Yeah totally.
[00:32:03] I mean I will say we did get to that point in our marriage where I felt like he just wanted it to be good. So he didn’t have to think about it like I just want us to have a great relationship right. Yeah. It’s basically meant you need to keep.
[00:32:20] Bringing up problems or conflict. Let’s just move on let’s just have a nice dinner and just announced by now. Yeah.
[00:32:30] Another thing you got to talk about.
[00:32:32] Yeah yeah yeah. I kind of feel like that with my husband and kind of with everybody. Sometimes you know I’m up a lot of the stuff that I write about. I’m kind of dredging up things in my world. You know my family you know that I write on my blog or you know that I’m talking about here on the podcast. Yeah it does ruffle feathers. And I think when you talk about stuff like we wives try to bring up that’s the only way you can work it out. Oh you make it better.
[00:33:01] Oh yeah. And I mean you know there was like the way people run their relationships what they expect your friendship to be what they expect a marriage really like. So we got married. We don’t know why.
[00:33:18] But he thought it was gonna be one way and I thought it was going to be the other way. Oh yes. With us right. Yeah. Hi you guys. You guys are the same culture. Yes. And we’re down but it’s the same. Sorry. Yeah I know it’s I got I have.
[00:33:30] I know we’re having so much fun but yeah I mean to put that on top of it I can’t imagine. But I mean just two people that are from the same part of the world how it’s hard no matter who you are. Yeah. So yeah I’m kind of glad to know that it wasn’t just us. Oh yeah. And you know some I think to like some people are more relational oriented. You know like I don’t need I didn’t want to be with them all the time. I’m definitely I like my space on Twitter I can be alone and everything. But I definitely wanted more of that kind of interconnectedness and friendship and stuff and he was like Bye I’m leaving.
[00:34:10] I’m a man I’m going to work to do my. Yeah.
[00:34:14] So we had to get we had to get through for sure.
[00:34:17] I think that’s definitely a a man woman thing across or glee. Did you ever read. Men Are From Mars and Venus. Totally. I mean now to this day say honey come home go into your cave. Yes. When you’re done doing your man thing then you can come out of your car and talk to me and you better be ready to talk to.
[00:34:35] Yeah. Yes.
[00:34:37] And I’m not even that doesn’t even talk that much like I’m more of the cave person. Are you. And I don’t have a lot of words in me.
[00:34:45] Well because you get them all laughing. I do podcasts. Right. And then you can play it over and over again for him when he wants to hear you talk. Honey just listen to this.
[00:34:57] That would slow down he’ll come home having like encountered a person who is very talkative a ha and unlike you love me don’t you behave.
[00:35:08] I don’t talk that that’s what you could have had to live with dear so thankful. That’s right.
[00:35:16] So do you think that you get your your thoughts out more onto the page and write because I don’t need that. I do. So it’s easier for you to express yourself sort of out in front of a computer by yourself.
[00:35:29] Yeah totally. And like I’ve had of a friend of mine say oh please blog and write a non liberal like write essays write a nonfiction book about your thoughts and feelings about different things. And I’m like you will learn more about me reading my fiction. Oh because you’re kind of scary and you might stand beside the bed of your family. That night. But I know a lot of my feelings about things creep into my character’s right feelings about things and the things that they’re struggling with and they deal with them.
[00:36:07] Yeah I was kind of wondering about that when I was reading about Aaron your character in your most recent book and I’m thinking OK I can relate to her because that would be me if I had lost my husband completely. Right. And so that there must be some part of you. Yeah. There.
[00:36:23] I mean yeah to just imagining Well I mean so this is where I feel like being an actor helps me when I write. It’s I almost like when I write that character I’m getting into character and I’m I’m thinking what it feels like to be them and to be in their shoes and what they would do. And yeah I mean I don’t always write me but I try to get into their who they are and be authentic about their reactions to what’s happening.
[00:37:00] It’s so fun. Yes it is. But so yeah it is hard and you miss things. And that’s what editors are for right. Witness for Ed..
[00:37:13] Yeah yeah. But I think all writers we put a little bit of ourself into everybody because there’s so much that’s universal. Yes. Yeah. So all the ugly stuff even that we put into their care into our characters.
[00:37:25] I think there’s a little bit of that. I mean I like attitudes like judgmental attitudes and not that they’re right but like we all have you know we just have stinky parts of our first maladies that we’d like to hide from the world. But the truth is you’re writing a character that’s what makes them real. Yes they’re their flaws. So yeah maybe some of my flaws.
[00:37:55] Well I guess that’s good for your husband because you just get it out there and then you don’t have to talk about it either.
[00:38:03] Right. Right. So yeah perfect. OK. So totally off the topic of writing Game of Thrones. Are you a game of thrones. I am. And you know honestly I’m kind of. So here’s what I did. I watched the first two and a half seasons and it was so wonderful and so dense and so emotionally kind of all encompassing. And I was also writing my writing a book. I can’t remember which one. At the same time I was like I can’t do both of these. Like I literally couldn’t hold all the characters in my book. And the only characters in Game of Thrones in my head at the same time and all those emotions right. Intensity and I just wanted to binge game thrones like all the time. Yes. And I was like I got a kick I got to put this down and write. So I quit watching. I’m also like well like torture I don’t do toward you know on it on the page or on the screen it just yeah. That one season with the. Yeah yeah. No no I couldn’t. And I was like just like get all murder. Yeah. But like torture. Right. So I was like All right I’m gonna step away from this. And then my my husband and my boys were very into it more bingeing and watching the season. So I kind of heard what was going on. And I dipped in and then watched and then I watched the whole seventh season OK with them and got kind of caught up to speed. So I missed some in the middle but I’ve read some of the wikis and yeah I did watch the Red Wedding like I watched that episode because everybody was talking about it.
[00:39:53] Yeah you have to see the wedding. Yeah totally. Was horrible. Yeah. Yeah. The thing about Game of Thrones is like that unites everybody in that world. My son and I were talking about it at dinner last night and the waitress was like excuse me I got to get away and here.
[00:40:11] How funny. Yeah I mean it it reaches everybody it’s so crazy. You talk about a unifier of the human guy game of Throw in. And I am just blown away that a story can do that. Yes. Right.
[00:40:28] I’m blown away that there is a human being that could write I could think of. I want to be him.
[00:40:33] Yes he’s amazing. Yes.
[00:40:35] And not only that but that these two guys. And no one of them is David Benioff I guess I don’t I don’t know their names. But anyway the show runners the guy. The creators of the show. And they’ve taken the story and completed it I guess with Martin’s blessing. Oh right. That’s not restoring the last book. Everybody’s waiting on him to write the last book. So they went ahead. They got ahead of where the books are. Anyway so it’s crazy what’s going to happen. Is he going to write the next class. Or is that done. Nobody knows. No he’s planning on writing it but he just keeps not doing OK. I think like the hard core book fans are all harassing me. I don’t know. Sorry it’s a cool position to be India as a writer where you’ve got you know oh I can just wait you just go ahead and do the TV show.
[00:41:30] Knock yourself out. I’ll sit here and take the chair. I know it if I’m.
[00:41:36] Like that. I know that. I think he’d say he was on board with how they. But yeah that was.
[00:41:43] So maybe that will happen to you with your suspense but as you know but that’s not what I write that man that you only happened to you.
[00:41:49] Oh I’d love it. OK. So anybody out there that’s listening come on this is what she’s mourning. She’s open TV people. Yep. You never know who’s listening. Yeah I have a friend who’s a celebrity chef. I guess that’s what you call him. Yeah. He’s a chef in Atlanta and he’s been on. I don’t watch reality TV but he’s been on these shows. And he also has a radio show where he has these pop up events. OK. Gosh I wish I knew the correct term in anyway. Yeah. Like you know they just pop up and they make a bunch of really delicious food which he’s awesome at. And the radio show is from there. And he said that Food Network discovered him from that and was like a podcast like this. And he got a pilot on Food Network. Oh my gosh.
[00:42:39] So anybody that’s listening. Emily Carpenter please contact my agent. So who knows maybe.
[00:42:47] I would love it. I would love it. Yeah. OK. So what’s next for you. You’ve got this book out. You write in another one. I am. I’m working on another book. I will leave you and go straight home to edit. Oh so you’re that far. Well I’m like second draft. Wow. So how many drafts do you just go through. I mean I I lose count like 10 maybe. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah I mean excuse me. I don’t. I write my first draft really quickly. Mm hmm. I don’t outline a whole lot. Just I do a very rudimentary outline. Okay so the first draft is very messy. OK. Yeah. And it’s a lot of tinkering. Gotcha. But you do you outline you know how it’s going to end. Yeah for sure. OK. So yeah just doing like plot points in the middle to get there. Yeah. OK yeah. However like with this book I ended a certain way and changed my mind didn’t like it didn’t feel like it was working. So I changed it a little bit. Wow. Yeah. So how long does it take for you to write one book. All of those revisions a year here OK or a little less like a nine months to a year. Wow. Yeah.
[00:44:13] I am not worthy. I don’t want to do that.
[00:44:16] I know there’s. Did you know that Pete we all have our different speeds. I mean you know some others out there are writing you know three books a year. Yes. I don’t know how that’s possible. No I don’t either but I could maybe do two. I’d have to get a little more disciplined.
[00:44:34] Yeah. How many hours a day do you write. Because I lose attention span I’ll sit for a few hours then I’m like oh you know let me go. Oh yeah. Make a score.
[00:44:43] No I can’t sit for four hours and hours and I really am I’m like a thirty to forty five minutes for I have to get up and like go do something OK go like. Either look at Twitter or go for a walk or seriously or like take my dog out or something. I can sit still for hours and hours. Yeah. Do you feel like when you take a break for Twitter that can’t talk Twitter or Facebook that you kind of get sucked into a rabbit hole. Not anymore. No I’m. I don’t. No not really. You’re not. You’re pretty active You’re good about being on there all the time. Yeah. I mean probably a long time ago it was more that way. Now I’m kind of tired of it. Yeah a little bit. Social media is like you know we’ve all gotten to that point where we’re like. Over it. Yeah but for us it’s it’s just more about business.
[00:45:36] Yeah. Yeah. It used to be fun. Let me put it this way. My little boy doing the dance pattern.
[00:45:42] I can’t do that anymore. And it’s just less interesting. Yeah I guess it’s not the shiny new thing that it used to be. So it doesn’t. Right I guess. I mean no offense but no.
[00:45:53] Yeah. Social media is great. Follow me. Yeah.
[00:45:56] I mean there I go through times where I’m like I think I’m I found something funny and I’m. I know what they are but yeah yeah cute little names and pictures and stuff like that. I do. I mean yeah I sense that’s kind of in the larger eat those right. Everybody’s feeling perhaps a little over it. Yes I think so for various reasons. Yes but you know I kind of wonder what it’s going to be like for our kids because like we’ve always you know we grew up connecting with people face to face.
[00:46:28] Yes. And even now like me sitting here face to face with you it’s awesome because we’re having a little conversation. Yes. I agree. You know when it’s remote or you chatting with somebody on Facebook it’s just different.
[00:46:39] And even though we’re getting tired of it our kids are in that world that universe. You know what’s weird is that I feel like my kids are tired of it. Really. Yeah. And I feel like they tired of it before I did and my middle son I guess never really liked it much and it’s kind of been in and out but I just feel like they it is part of their life. It’s like a big part of their life. Right. And for better or worse yeah say that. Yeah. I just think it’s no big deal to them. Right.
[00:47:15] So it won’t be as much of a stress as it is tonight. Exactly. Because I don’t know about you. Like there are times when you know maybe I’m already kind of down in the dumps or whatever but I’ll be scrolling through Facebook and I think there’ve been studies about this.
[00:47:26] You see everybody’s perfect like oh this is so wonderful and I’m coming home. My day is suck in real. I feel bad about this. Yeah I have to put it away right. I always did like on a personal level I will say I always did feel like I understood that people were posting the good stuff and not the bad stuff which is fine. I mean nobody you know.
[00:47:50] Yeah. I’m not going to put what I love out there after drinking three vodka martini the night before. It’s not. Nobody cares about that right.
[00:47:58] I don’t. And also like when I’m having a super down day I don’t want to go to social media to. You know. No no not disparaging anybody who does do that but I just don’t think that’s not where you find the kind of encouragement that really lifts you up. Yeah. However what is hard is I think on a business level I can definitely and especially with Twitter because it’s like a bigger party it’s a bigger setting. You know it’s like a big cocktail party I’ve heard comp. But there is a lot of like I got this fabulous book deal or I’m on the New York Times bestseller list or I just you know optioned my book for a film you know clean shots of all that kind of that. Yeah. Like on your end yeah. That can really mess with me. Yeah. And I mean I feel like garbage. Right. And I. So I don’t like. I just I’m like This isn’t. This is not helping me focus on what my job is today. Right. Yeah.
[00:49:07] So but you feel the love from your readers. Why do you write. I mean I yeah totally. Horace I see everything you put out there and it’s like how you are so loved. So that’s a great yeah.
[00:49:17] And I really appreciate it. And I value being able to have a direct connection with them. Then it’s like when somebody says I’m reading this book and I love it to be able to say thank you. That that’s really fun. And even that can be a little overwhelming too.
[00:49:34] But then you also get the bad stuff where people tag you and their reviews that are less than oh I haven’t had that happen yet but that many reviews either sell or sell your like. This is fine that you didn’t love it. I think you can make it. You being a meanie. Social media bullies.
[00:49:56] Like this. Yeah. Yeah. Well anyway. But there was I think there’s more positive and negative about social media maybe just being optimistic. Yeah. I mean it does help us connect with people.
[00:50:10] And I just kind of look at it now like yeah it’s part of my job. Sometimes it’s fun sometimes it’s not fun but it doesn’t really suck me in that much mentally so I don’t think it does. But I don’t feel like it does.
[00:50:23] Well good for you may not realize but for me it still does it does not fit I want it to. But yeah. My my concentration is just shot once I’ve had to go on and respond to those social media posts and stuff and then I’m like oh I’ve got to get back into a great very much.
[00:50:41] Makes you lie. Good. Yes. Switching gears I’m not good at that. Yes. So I have to turn off my Wi-Fi. Yeah. Yeah. Just focus. That makes me drink a lot of coffee at Starbucks. My very favorite. So do you go to Starbucks. Not anymore actually. So my husband and I just built a new house and I have my own little writing shed on the property.
[00:51:04] Oh my gosh I’m writing at home. You should come visit sometimes. You’re invited. OK. Shots of the station.
[00:51:10] I’ll be there and it is just this tiny little structure has a tiny little kitchen and a bathroom. Oh my gosh I’m so jealous. You really can go there. Yeah. You’re independent autonomous. I hate anybody for nothing for a while. Yeah. Yeah. And I do have a little TV in there with like the barest minimum cable but there is Netflix on there. Sometimes I’ll let movies play that maybe wouldn’t distract me. I like noise like you said. Yeah.
[00:51:41] The noise background so maybe that’s like going back to having a lot of little kids in the house and stuff like that like I had to focus on your life while that’s going. Yes.
[00:51:52] Yeah. Yeah. It’s a mom superpower. Yeah. You gotta do what you gotta do. Yes.
[00:51:59] Yes. Well I have really enjoyed talking with you today. Oh my gosh. Me too. You say you were telling me I love like we’re here. Like I said like looking at each other and talking. And that’s so fun. Yes it is so fun. So we need to do more. Yeah definitely. Well. I’ll be out at your show soon.
[00:52:21] Come by she said. Oh. Yeah. Thank you. If you like this podcast so far.
[00:52:36] Please continue following along by tapping the subscribe button wherever you listen to podcasts. If you really liked it go on the awesome and leave a rating and a review. Find me on all social media too by searching Sheryl with an S.. Parr boo. That’s p a r b h. Oh. Thanks for listening to Southern life Indian. Wife.